I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
