It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
