I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
