We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
