FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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