went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
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Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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