my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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