dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
