Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
