I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
