So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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