she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
