Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize