god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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