Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
