I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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