I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
