I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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