i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
