hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
