either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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