shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
