I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
