I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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