I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
