i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
