organizing the empties. That sober.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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