seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
