dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
