he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
