this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
