Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.