My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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