hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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