come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
