well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
