Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize