sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
