Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
