Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
