Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was confusing and full of hummus
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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