..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
