Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize