sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm passing your future prison.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize