Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
