How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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