erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
