I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
