I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize