I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
