Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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