She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
