don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
