if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
