I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
