u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
