maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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